Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Indianapolis Opera Meets Pirate Demands

Besieged officials of the Indianapolis Opera have announced they have agreed to the demands of pirates who have surrounded its office by lowering the price of hundreds of tickets to $25 each.

Tickets that usually sell for as much as $70 have been reduced to $25, according to John C. Pickett, who serves as Major General of the company.

"The pirates demanded the lower prices because they haven't been able to visit Indianapolis since 1990. They want as many families to visit them as is possible," Pickett said.

One eyewitness described the pirate band as "poor, wandering ones" and stated she did not believe they would pose a threat at their upcoming public appearances on 13 March (8 p.m.) and 15 March (2 p.m.) at Clowes Memorial Hall on the campus of Butler University in Indianapolis.

The pirates are believed to have come from the town of Penzance, a small port on the coast of Cornwall in southern Great Britain. However, they have roamed the world since 1879 when released by their benefactors William Gilbert and Arthur Sullivan.

In a prepared statement, the leader of the pirate band said, "Better far to live and die under the brave black flag I fly, than play a sanctimonious part, with a pirate head and a pirate heart."

Ticket purchasers wishing to avoid pirate threats should instead visit the Clowes Hall box office, go online or call the Opera offices at 317:283-3470 as soon as possible, before pirates cut the telephone lines.

(If you didn't notice this was satire, you're not allowed to see a rolicking Gilbert & Sullivan operetta!)


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